Bar Salsa hasn't been reviewed since 2008.
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Back then Kid Rock got to number one by putting his dick in 1.3million ears, Michael Myers took comedy out into the streets and shot it in the face with 'The Love Guru' and Bar Salsa was considered just about the worst anyplace ever.
After 2 hours of searching under the terms 'Good Review' and 'Bar Salsa', Google stopped laughing long enough to offer me these 3 gems: (Presented in their unedited form to protect the poetic integrity of the original authors.)
"DOnt rememer much was pretty mashed. think itwas ok. mutned. Greg2008
"shitty toilets haha ya fuck tasty barmaids" ANON
"SHOUT OUT TO MA BOI DAVEY LOL GREAT NITE FUCKIN SCORE" Jimboiz
The year is now 2011 and you wouldn't recognize the place. The bar has undergone a level of change so spectacular I can only suspect one or more warlocks may have been involved.
To put the transformation into perspective try to imagine Bar Salsa as Paris Hilton's vagina: Instead of a howling mess of spilled beer, herpes and endless nests of Arthropods, some necromantic power with a strong stomach and an immunity to centipede attacks has reached deep inside and cleansed it to the very core.
What was the sort of place you'd get if you asked Gary Busey to draw what he sees when he closes his eyes and screams, is now the very personification of ludicrously-awesome.
Located between the Cowgate and Grassmarket, Bar Salsa resides at arterially damaged heart of Edinburgh. In an area that serves as a hub for students, back-packers, stag & hen nights the bar is perfectly situated as a last stop before taking a screaming vodka-fueled-jog into Sneaky Pete's or the Liquid Rooms.
Since the Grassmarket tends to be a focus point for Bachelor parties, the view from Bar Salsa's window might fool you into thinking that you are in Gotham City and that the Justice League has really let themselves go.
COMMISSIONER GORDON: "Thank God you're here Batman, the Joker has taken hostages and is......Oh, I see you have brought some guy dressed as Spongebob Squarepants who's NOT going to get laid tonight and you appear to have piss stains down your tights."
The levels of hilarious madness safely on display outside the bar is constantly entertaining. With all of it outside and not in, you get to feel like someone who passed on going to Vietnam and decided to stay home and watch Rambo 3 instead.
The Bar itself is now clean, friendly and accessible. The drinks are outstandingly cheap with all spirits £1.25, bottles at £1.95 and all pints £2.25. I particularly can particularly recommend the massive selection of flavored shots if you happen to fucking hate your or your friend's liver.
The atmosphere in the Bar is amazing. The combination of good music, positive chat and friendly, sassy service could be bottled and sold as pure distilled awesome* and/or rocket-fuel for any of the space missions that didn't ass'plode.
(*The bottle in question would have to be kept out of reach of children who's faces could melt if exposed to the heroic levels of rock/karate contained within)
4 years ago the barmaids maybe sucked. Based on reviews it seemed that they couldn't give a fuck if they found you in the desert fuckless and they were overstocked in fuck. 2011 brings a new breed of Bar Salsa Barmaid. Sent from some sort of fuck-filled future to test our primitive drinking habits, their service is genuine, fun-filled and upbeat with each of the girls and guys working their asses off to keep the drinks and party rolling. Apparently weaponized in the war against boredom, a trip to the bar here was a pleasure. Sexy, smart, quick witted, there is every possibility that these are the product of a high-speed crash between a bus full of cyborg and a tank full of sex.
Fresh music, great service, cheap drinks and a perfect location. The toilets, once described by Physician Jean Astruc in a series of breathless screams and clicking sounds, are now clean and shit-free. The Bar has transformed and is the perfect place to start your night.
In the words of the poet 'Jimboiz':
SHOUT OUT TO MA BOI DAVEY
Jimboiz, where ever you are, I couldn't have said it any better myself........unless I got a grown up to help me.